Understand them!

I desperately needed to understand Jennifer’s grief. There appeared to be no end to her crying. The way she secluded herself in her room deeply concerned me.

“How can I reach her?” I thought. “Tom passed away months ago, yet Jennifer seems the hardest to console.”

Knocking on Jennifer’s door, I prayed that I might be able to unlock some secret hidden deep within her. Jennifer’s soft, timid voice responded,” What  do you want, Mom?”

“Please let me come in. We need to talk. I think it will help of we share some feelings with each other.”………..Clearing my throat, I tried to be brave. “Jennifer, I understand that you miss Daddy a lot. I want to help you with your heart but I don’t know how. Please help me understand.”…………..Finally Jennifer looked up. “Mommy, God took the wrong parent” Jennifer sobbed.

Taken from  “Lord, How Can I Help Them” one of the stories,from the book God’s Vitamin “C” for the Hurting Spirit by Kathy Collard Miller and D.Larry Miller.

Wasn’t she trying enough to keep her family together after her husband’s death? Still her daughter thought that God had taken the wrong parent !

Parents often say “Aren’t we doing enough for you already?” While the child says,” Yeah right! Sure you do!”

It is right when parents say that they are doing so much for their kids, but the question is ,is that what the child needs from them?

Parents feel proud  that they were always there for their children, they did everything THEY thought the child needed. Did you ask your child what he or she needed? She wanted you to hug her everyday so she felt she was loved and cared for. She wanted you to understand her life and her friends rather then just protecting her all the time. He wanted to talk to his father about his life instead of him being all macho and insensitive.

Parents want to protect their children, from the unknown world because they are young, to keep them from harm. In that mindfulness of protection, they forget that children have a mind of their own too. They want to be talked to, they want to know whats going on. And they sure understand if you talk and explain things to them. Protection is needed but more than anything what children need is that their parents understand them.

Parents are also human beings, they make mistakes. They don’t always realize what’s best for their child. They TRY to do things which may seem good for the child. From the parents’ point of view it may be the right thing to do. But what comes next is you keep yourself in your child’s shoe and try to understand what that kid is actually going through.

Know what they need not just what they want. We tend to focus on their wants and forget the “need” part. Talk to them instead of just smiling at them when you come back from office. Create rapport with them so they’ll  come to you and talk instead of ordering them and asking them harshly what they did the whole day. That’s when you won’t have to tell them “I’VE DONE SO MUCH FOR YOU”.

Instead they’ll run to you and say “THANK YOU”, out of the blue for no reason. And that’ll be an achievement for your lifetime.

I would like to sum up with this statement:

Invest in making the roots strong by putting sufficient manure and water, instead of cleaning the leaves outwardly and hiding the plant during the storm. Because if the roots are strong, the plant will withstand the storm anyway. 

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Blame yourself!

Blame the one that’s inside you
Not the man you love
Or the mother who cares for you.
The fault is in you
Not in the eye of the archer
Not in the tips of the thorny  branches.
It’s where you kept your foot
Not the ground which took the print.
It’s your mind that made the thought
Not the face that smiled back at you.
It’s the hand  that you held,
Not the hand that gripped yours.

It’s your hand that creates,
Not the brush that paints.
It’s your mouth that speaks,
Not the ear that hears.
It’s always you
And you alone
Because the sun shows up everyday
But it’s the earth that rotates to see it’s face.
It’s your feet that makes you stand,
Not the one who calls out your name.
It’s you who breaths in hatred
Not the air that went through your nostrils.
It’ll always be you
And you alone
To make the way
Not the men beside you.
It’s all inside you.