Am I sick?

Sitting at my office desk, suddenly I feel a sense of emptiness, absence of direction, especially when there’s a lot going on around me. There is so much I can involve myself in but I don’t feel like doing anything. I want to write so much, read, speak, share so many things but I end up wasting time either watching Netflix or merely exploiting my senses through the vast world of internet. Every 1-2 months, I get this feeling where I feel unhappy and anxious even when there’s nothing wrong with my life. A major reason I believe is that my job is very less demanding. I don’t have much responsibilities and therefore, I end up doing nothing all day.

It is a mental state that comes and goes. I can’t really understand it completely. I feel like I lack something, I’m curious to read more..

Puddle of thoughts

How does it feel when finally you’ve got to the point where you have to scribble blue drops for more than just what your heart says? I’m scratching my head, what to write! It’s weird. I’m supposed to be know what to write. I’m supposed write something interesting, something catchy and here I’m sitting pondering on the fact that I have to write. What to write, hasn’t dropped into my puddle of words yet. I need a Pandora box I’m curious to read more..

Everything happens in its season, for a reason

You want to skip the accident and join the football team to become THE PLAYER? Or fall in love but end up all happy and single? That’s not how it works. It doesn’t work at all, it goes with the flow. I wish sometimes I had a LIFE HACKER which I could use to hack my life and delete a whole chunk of messy, unnecessary days and stories that “I feel” aren’t needed and keep the ones that “I think” will make me reach my objective. 

I’m curious to read more..

You look like a terrorist to me!

I perceive you as a person cloaked in black, blackness that covers your face and your mouth that somehow gives out unpleasantness whenever you bark your voice. A dwarfy frame weighed down with high powered spectacles and white teeth coupled together, which whenever you open your mouth to yap shows off like the fake cover to the gleam inside you.

You sound like the pepper spray when it’s emptied on the oppressor’s face.

I’m curious to read more..

Are you a mason? Do you build walls?

I finally felt I had lost and everyone was winning; my gleeful philosophy seemed to perish when every last hope was turning to shackles. The wonder woman almost lost her power and grace. It spelled The End of the heroic tale of the Beauty without her Beast. I smelled hopelessness at every corner of the city; black fumes glorified the skies with their unceasing melody. The structures built all along were turning to dust; grass on the other side looked green. All I wanted was to be shunned into a capsule and transported to a new world. The done couldn’t be changed; all I wished for was to live for the love that hadn’t revealed itself. It seemed simple, the road that led me here; I didn’t wish for a fairy tale, but I never settled for the joyful and simplistic. The beating heart spilled in agony and distress. It left me speechless and swollen with words that were unspoken.

I’m curious to read more..

Black Mamba

I was fast asleep when all of a sudden my eyes opened. I could hear my Dadi’s footsteps. She had just got up. It seemed darker than usual. I had overslept, I thought. It was almost evening. I woke up immediately when Dadi said there was a storm going on outside and I didn’t have a clue about it. I went straight to the front door, went out and started removing the mats which were put up for shade.  The wind was violently blowing against me. Somehow I got them tied up and came in shutting the door with all my strength. Then I decided to make tea. The lights were out. In the kitchen, I lit a candle and put up some water to boil on the stove. It was very quiet inside the house. All windows and doors were closed. I could only hear the wind whistling, through the small space of the exhaust,  making a very creepy sound like in horror movies. I was still making tea. Everything was quiet and dark. Simba was sitting in the center room, staring into the kitchen, waiting to get something to eat. His peaceful look gave me comfort every time I looked at him.It had started thundering really bad. And suddenly the candle went off.

Curious to read more?

THE ART OF LONELINESS

Loneliness is depressing.  The dictionary defines the word as isolation. Imagine yourself living in a large bungalow, which is completely empty. You can live for a day, a week, maybe a month if you have that much will power. In the beginning it will seem peaceful, and you would wish if you could live like this for the rest of your life. That’s your inner self gratifying. So your ego makes you feel happy by letting you enjoy that emptiness. Then what? After sometime the inner self feels insecure. There is no fuel to keep the fire going inside of you. So it forces the ego to find ways to ignite that fire again. That’s when you feel lonely. You have exhausted your resources to live by staying alone. In search of that fire we become restless and move out of that place. Live somewhere else, soon the fuel is exhausted and again we start searching. And it keeps going on till we die. Can this be ended? Does loneliness have an answer? Different people have different answers to this. A guy going for a job from 7 to 5 in a day finds his fuel by staying on in his office till late and coming home when its time to sleep.  For a woman who takes care of her kids and her husband, sends them off to school and office finds her fuel in cooking for them when they’ll be back. What if the guy didn’t have that job and the lady didn’t have her husband and kids? There would be no fuel to ignite that fire in them. Is it possible to live without igniting that fire in you? No, it isn’t. Because we are human beings. We need something to depend on, something to laugh at and something to cry for. Otherwise we wouldn’t be called human beings.

Is there an ideal fuel that will ignite the fire within us? No, there isn’t. Our mind needs something new constantly to build on. There are people in this world who are satisfied with what they have. Like a cook, who knows to cook a few dishes, goes on cooking the same dishes over and over again. And doesn’t get tired of doing that. He accepts the fact that that is his world and he has to live in that. It works for him, so no problem. But for those who can’t do that its a tough road ahead. You need to keep finding things to satisfy yourself. Its not about finding those things that will ignite the fire. But its about learning to keep the fire going even when there is no fuel to ignite it. That is difficult. I myself fail many times but one thing is for sure its not impossible. Even sitting in a room all alone can light it up by just wanting that to happen. It’s simple as that. Our mind is like a lion. You can tame it if you train it. It will do as you say. You want to be happy? Tell your mind what you want and it will do that. It takes practice.

Our mind has a mind of its own. Like the lion, it will try to test its boundaries again and again. If you give in, it knows it can over power you. If you say no, it will know its limit and learn to stay within it. Like I said nothing is impossible. Our brain has the capacity to control us and we have the capacity to control it. You need to choose -either your mind controls you or you control it. Then it will follow your instructions like the lion would and it will not kill you.

Papa Bear

In greatness and in might came a power so great that lead to a collision so immense as the space. Brought to life, it, a huge chunk from the vacuum within. Blazing like the breath of a dragon, fierce like the gazing sun, piled like the highest mountain, it overshadowed the fright of the might. A fountain of heating lava, can never rest in peace, can never form the beautiful rocks it could ever see.  Cracked open the nutshell as soonly it dried out. Bringing out a flower from the pore that sprouted the new design.It simply smiled and waters poured out from every insight that flushed the rustic blend of overflowing lava and its heat inside. The skin was sore of the bear that roared because the light shined so brightly as it soared. Its might brought out a cascade of roses that seemed blemished and sore. As the moon refreshed the light it dawned, so did the bear sing a new song. The blemishes turned to glows and it skin sheltered its broken soul. With a new day came a new might. And again the bear smiled, flushed the waters as it did before, all went back to sore sore sore.

Sleek as a candle stick but strong as a pounding heart, this new might, brought a touching start. Everything turned from sore to roar, the bear turned all the rust to dusty ground and a new sprout had a burst, sank in the waters and sucked it all up. Out grew a tree that gave fruits the bear hadn’t seen. He wanted to smile again but feared the next that would come. Content filled his heart, never he thought he would last. The sleek joined in to celebrate this new start. Bloomed like the fish diving out of the waters, touched the sky and dived in again. There was beauty and there was storm. All it did was bring more to astound. The bear grew strong with the night and days that showed the dazzling stars. Sleek went into slumber and never did awake but the bear never smiled and brought himself to be might of a branded state.